super mario bros. the lost levels

So I've recently picked back up Super Mario Bros. Lost Levels, thanks to the SNES Super Mario All-Stars cart.

For those not in the know, and those of you who aren't meticulous pop culture junkies, Super Mario Lost Levels is actually the real SMB2. Ever wonder why SMB2 (in America, and non-Japan) didn't have Goombas or Koopas or Bowser? Because that was fake SMB2.

Lost Levels is the real thing, the real sequel, featuring Goombas and Koopas and Bowsers aplenty. Of course, the level design sucks, enemie placement is horrid, and the game overall is terribly difficult; hence, Nintendo of America (or was it NoJapan? I can never remember) felt America was too weaksauce to beat Lost Levels, and gave us a different game entirely.

Now, I love SMB2, because it introduced Birdo to SMB, as well as Shy Guys, and they're hands-down pretty frickin' awesome.

But Lost Levels is like the Contra 3 of Super Mario. Difficult, frustrating, but unbelievably satisfying to see the congratulatory winning screen.

Most people can't beat Lost Levels, and so they just declare it a horrible mutation of SMB1 and move on; but for me, Lost Levels is SMB2, the best version, and the only one that should've been made.

Mostly because it's one of the only games I beat as a child.


That said, I think Nintendo is crazy. You see, the prize for beating Lost Levels is a second play-through, with slightly different worlds and enemies, and an even harder difficulty. That's fine, I'm enjoying the challenge, but the design choices just don't make any sense at this point.

World D-3 has a total of around 8 Hammer Bros, about 30 Bullet Bill cannons, and one power-up. Not to mention semi-random enemy placement and attack patterns. As well, Hammer Bros can somehow glitch to jump-through walls in ways which make my Luigi greener with envy.

As well, there are friggin' flying fish in Bowser's D-4 castle. Flying Friggin' Fish. I guess they're lava fish. Magic lava fish.

I hate Mushroom Kingdom; it's a terrifying place.

There are frickin' flying squid. Flying Frickin' Squid.

What I'm saying here is: Screw the Princess, and just go back to Brooklyn, Mario Brothers.